Who would have thought I would become a mom?

I remember the ‘horror’ stories my own mother told me when I was younger. That married life is hard, becoming a parent even harder. All the what ifs, how abouts, if onlys, I have heard from her. Yes, she is the most overprotective mother I have met. And I absolutely admire her.

As fate would have it, I became a mother, too. I felt so accomplished, having followed my plan–an epidural-free normal delivery, full breastfeeding for the first six months, extended breastfeeding beyond two years (we still do!), being on top of child care and not a yaya. But it was tough. I cried buckets. I got stuck at home with the baby on my boob (almost all the frikkin time!), I forgot the person that I was, and I have become someone else for this little stranger–my own daughter. I was Mommy. And I knew it was only the beginning.

It still is surreal that we are already three living in this small condo. It has been almost three years anyway. But I have loved every single minute of it. I took gazillions of photos and videos, all scattered in my gadgets–cellphone, laptop, iPad, camera, you name it. My daughter is in it. That is the only ‘treasure’ I get to keep when she grows up. Plus all the wonderful memories of her childhood imprinted in my mind and heart.

I have asked myself repeatedly, What have I done to deserve this happiness? Since it is Mothers’ Day and I feel so blessed being a mother to my child, I would like to share with the world my happiness through this letter I am writing for my daughter, Ariadne, as I look back at the past three wonderful years of her life.

Dearest Ariadne,

I will never get tired hearing you call out loud, “Mommy!” That, for me, is the best title I have ever gotten in life.

If you follow me on Twitter (follow here if you haven’t!), you’d be familiar with my hashtag #momdaymondays.

It is because Monday is my only WHOLE day with Aria (unless there’s work or errand to do though). Work is from Tuesday to Saturday (Saturday mornings at work every other week and sometimes wedding engagements, meetings in the afternoon). Sundays may be church day but while Daddy and Aria are hearing Mass (and chasing each other outside the church), I play for my choir or rehearse them. So I’m still daughter-free.

Big sigh! There are days when I wanted to drop everything and go back to just being a mom. I miss Aria much more now. I feel like I should be with her now that she is learning and growing fast.

Though sometimes I feel the opposite. She nurses more instead of eating more when I’m around. She plays tricks on me and her dad, and we end up not accomplishing anything at home or when we go out. She is makulit lately. We get tired and she doesn’t. But we love her so much! Amazing how parents give love even if kids can be little sources of headaches, and occasional bruises and bumps.

The recent #momdaymonday was a lot different from the others. We decided to do our grocery in the evening instead of doing it before lunchtime. We didn’t have pedia appointments so basically it was a relaxed day at home with my toddler and our helper.

I went to the playground with my daughter after her bath. It was a first time for me to see her try the swing and slide, all by herself. Before that, it was just a story I heard from my mom, the ever patient, ever supportive, and ever caring “Nonna” of Aria.

While playing, she tripped but she knew how to fall–with her hands. Such a strong girl. She came to me, showed her hands, and after I wiped off the dirt she went back and basked under the midday sun. Tears were welling out my eyes as I shared a hearty laugh with her.

Then she decided on her own that it’s time to end playground time so she ran toward the elevator. It was almost ten in the morning which means it’s time for Hi-5! And as she was singing and dancing while watching, I took the chance to clean her book chest. She noticed I wasn’t around so she looked for me and joined in the cleaning up. Until she decided to tear a small board book, one of the first her dad and I bought when she was still a few months old. I didn’t know how to react. She destroyed the book! But I said to myself, let her make that mess. Happy mess indeed! Then she picked one book and asked me to read to her.

Bittersweet indeed. Here I am eating my own words which I said a couple of weeks after giving birth–that I wished Aria was already all grown up so I could do again the things I was doing before I had her, which is singing, teaching, working, etc. I wished she was big already just so I could bring her with me everywhere. But now I don’t want to miss her tiny achievements every day–her new word, new trick, new skill. She is still our baby and I am selfish to say that she must remain our baby forever. She may be makulit and malikot compared to kids her age, but the joy that she radiates in our home is beyond words. I want her to grow loving God, her parents and family, have utmost respect for elders, and have a generous heart.

We just love our silly momdaymondays. Hope you are having fun every day of the week with the people you love.

~ Touringkitty

All the fuzz about Time Magazine’s cover a couple of months ago died a natural death. But not the desire to promote exclusive breastfeeding and, to an extent, attachment parenting.

What in the world is that? Does it mean that parents are supposed to be with baby 24/7?

At first, I thought it worked that way. But after two years of being a parent, I realized the following things:

1. Parenting is instinctive. Yes there might be hits and misses but you learn along the way. Sometimes you gotta learn it the HARD way. I accepted that fact and now I somehow regretted being weak. A parent should be firm in making decisions because it will be for the benefit of your own family and not of other people. Unsolicited advices may make or break you but ultimately, it’s the parents who will look after their children.

2. You work with your spouse, not against your spouse. There are days which we tend to blame each other but we try to meet halfway. It’s hard considering we both are firstborns and firstborns are supposed to be on top pf the game but we keep our ground when we need to. I can say I have the best partner in raising our kid–my husband–who has been very supportive (and very tired, sometimes!) in my career now as a full time government employee and choir conductor and church servant and volunteer and everything else! I have been busy, and my husband takes care of our kid at times when I’m supposed to be with her–on weekends, late at night, especially.

3. Indeed, it takes a village to raise a child. I have the best mother in the world. For the past year especially that I have gone back to full time work, she is always there for our kid. I know she is tired but she stays strong for my toddler. She handles child care while our stay-in helper (thank God for her, too!) takes care of the household especially cooking yummy and nutritious food for the family. My sister is Aria’s playmate! When nobody else is available, she takes care of Aria. Sometimes Aria misses her Tita more than Mommy and Daddy!

4. You give out love, you’ll be showered with more love back. Our daughter is probably the most hyperactive breastfed toddler in the condo (or everywhere she goes) and I don’t mind, really. I know she can annoy the hell out of everyone else with her loud voice, nonstop talking, walking, running, shouting, singing the alphabet, counting to twenty, etc etc but heck, can I really stop her? I would like to ask help from psychologists but my husband said it’s too early. We should wait for another year to gauge if she might have problems (really, is there a problem?) but she’s so cute and loud at the same time. What would you choose–an unresponsive baby or someone as smart (nevermind malikot and makulit) as Aria?

Going back to attachment parenting, I really am not sure if we are practicing such, but I think we are. Here’s a look at what AP is. Note that this is not a strict set of rules of parenting but some ideas you may adapt to your family.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/principles.php/

Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting. A year and three months after marriage, the stork visited and poof, I was pregnant. I did not take any birthing classes, save for one breastfeeding meeting which changed our perspective on feeding choices. I really can’t say we prepared for it because obviously, we’re all clueless about this tiny creature who will suddenly turn the household upside down. It was tough in the first days, even tougher as months passed. I was just fortunate to have a loving husband, supportive OBGYN, and a caring family to back me up when I wanted to fall.

Feed with Love and Respect. That one breastfeeding meet clearly made us decide that we shall try to breastfeed. And try our best we did, that we were able to hurdle so much criticisms, doubts, and pressure for 26 months and counting. Likewise, our choices when Aria was weaning were all natural foods. No preservatives, nothing instant. So we make sure her food is freshly prepared. It may have costed us a lot but it really paid off. She’s healthy, smart, and just in the right growing pace.

Respond with Sensitivity. Elders would tell me to let the baby cry. I never did. We’re not spoiling our kid, we’re telling her that we’re here when she needs a helping hand. Now tell me, would you ever let a kid cry? Be with them when they’re at their weakest and also at their happiest.

Use Nurturing Touch. Aria has a tendency to sleep well when carried, especially in her first few weeks. I literally was her slave. I’ve mastered eating with spoon on my left hand and her on my right, have worked in the laptop while she was on my lap after a feeding/sleeping session, and just when I am about to poop or pee, she still is with me. But I never regretted every moment of it. What I regret though is that I learned babywearing a wee bit late. I and my mom would have spared our hands from De Quervain’s Syndrome had we practiced babywearing earlier. Proud to say that my husband, too, is a babywearer!

Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally. We love co-sleeping with Aria. And now that she’s a full-sized toddler, I am proud and emotional. Proud because our daughter likes sleeping with Mommy and Daddy, emotional because we know she will want her own bed and her own room soon after a few more years. Co-sleeping also made breastfeeding easy for us. It used to be that hubby brings baby from her crib to our bed, but after a few months, we completely dissed the crib and hubby sleeps uninterrupted! Now Aria can just raise my shirt to nurse, though sometimes when she finds herself beside Daddy, she raises his shirt instead!

Provide Consistent and Loving Care. As I have mentioned earlier, I am lucky to have a supportive and loving family who is ready to take care of our kid. Of course, as Aria’s main caregivers, my husband and I must make as much time as we can with her. Sometimes she demands more but it’s fine, we can never replace the time that she requested us to do so. I still go home to see her during lunch (thank God for near workplaces!) and Daddy plays with her in the morning and before sleep.

Practice Positive Discipline. In our home, we apply the no-spanking rule. There are times though that Aria can be really unruly and pushy. Once, my mom spanked her and naturally, I got mad. That is not the discipline we want her to learn. I told her not to do it again to our daughter because she just might imitate it, which she did also. I also sometimes get mad at Aria and I am very vocal about it, especially to my daughter. In time, I said to myself, in her own sweet time, she will understand and live the positive values she should learn. No rushing, she’s a kid anyway.

Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life. It was quite a while before I got back to working, and I didn’t mind. I know I was very impatient postpartum, probably part of baby blues. I super missed performing, teaching the choir, and being busy. Then slowly I eased back into teaching, then performing, then I got a full time job. The mani-pedis were also in line, albeit scheduled waaaay ahead. I was actually seeing more friends and family now, watching more concerts now (aside from the fact that it is part of my job!), and doing more things now. If a career is one whole plate then what about parenthood AND work! That’s two whole plateful, of jobs and I am amazed by all mothers who can do just that and more!

Attachment parenting combines just all the passions and advocacies our family is practicing and supporting. I am thankful to the internet, that I am able to research about these stuff and communicate with like-minded parents and promote this to more and more people.

~ Touringkitty

For my frequent blog readers, it is no secret how much I adore my little makulit… and how much I get tired chasing her lately. And I can’t understand how in the world, this little marionette turned us, her dear parents, into her dummies. Oh yes. In our house she IS the boss. But I am thankful. I have learned so much from her. Things I never imagine a two year old can teach me, her own mother.

LOVE is spelled as T-I-M-E. And that’s the way it’s meant to be. We learned this “earworm” (in other words, a Last Song Syndrome-song) via Hi 5, which, she religiously watches over at Disney Junior. She’s memorized the whole song, albeit her gibberish words.

Time, for Aria is synonymous to love. Living in a working parents’ household, Aria wants ALL our time for her. We pity her every crying time as we leave the doorstep for another long working day. Much as we try to maximize our weekends, more often than not, we also have work or other social engagements that we have to attend. That’s why I make it a point to go home during lunch to steal 30 minutes of so of Aria time. I like it that my work is ten minutes away from home! We nurse, cuddle, play, eat, everything! In the morning and evening, she plays with Daddy for a few minutes before waking up and going to sleep. Precious times indeed which not any of our jobs can pay off!

LESS is MORE. Aria doesn’t go to toddler school yet. And I can conclude we don’t have any plans of sending her to one. So we invested on homeschooling her. We bought iPad apps, books, toys, which have helped us one way or the other and have contributed to her vast vocabulary at 25 months.

We tend to “over-teach” Aria that she gets bored. So she controls us. Yeah. She shoos away our hands to stop lesson time cos she wants to sleep or play or eat. So now we learned to limit teaching time. Actually, there is no fixed time unlike before–three times a day every day. But amazing how she absorbs things, even when she hears or learns it only once!

Strengthen relationships. Admittedly, it is only now that my husband and I have a daughter of our own that we build, nurture, and keep relationships with our families, extended families, close friends, etc. When we can, the family of three attends parties, get-togethers, reunions, or sometimes we create an occasion just to be with our loved ones, no matter how much we’ll be spending on food. Yes, sometimes we spend more in food — GOOD food — when we have gatherings! Good company deserves good food, don’t they?

We create occasions, like the eve of Aria’s birthday, just to be together.

She’s JUST two, they would say. She will not remember anything. But I will kill myself knowing I didn’t get to build as much memories as I can while she’s young, no matter how young. And that’s what I’ll be working on–spending more time without compromising quality and building the relationship strong as a rock.

~ Touringkitty

Of all the things I forgot, a gift!!!

But this one I wrote one late night in early August. Will definitely have this framed soon. In the meantime, hope you’ll read and like this, too!

—

What joy, what bliss
To see our daughter grow
In our arms, in our eyes
Her body and spirit glow.

What happiness can compare
To this gem so rare
Her wit, her laughter
Our hearts she has captured.

What pride we feel
Now that she turned two
And we anticipate
More things she can do.

Happy Birthday, dearest Ariadne!
To God we pray
That you’ll be a better you
Each passing day.

Love, Mommy and Daddy

Here’s to tumbling, noisy, silly toddlers, who turn our world around!

Just look at your birthday suit. It used to be below the knee, now it’s a miniskirt!

You’re 23 months, Aria. One more and you’re truly turning two. By then you could say with much pride your introduction monologue:

“My name is Ariadne Alcantara, present! I’m two years old. I live in Asiawealth! Bow.”

But most of all, we’re proud because you can sing, just like Mommy and Daddy!

Click this link!

We’re blessed because of you, the Holy one, given to us. We love you, anak!

Your playmates forever,

Daddy and Mommy